Motherly in Today’s World

Being Motherly in Today’s World

When I was pregnant with my first baby, I never could have imagined the enormity of my love for her. When she was born, it was almost as if it was too much. I was immediately overcome with a type of love I have never known. Everything changed that day. I could hardly believe that I was blessed with this amazing gift.

Then she came.

And in an instant I was deeply, madly in love with another little girl.

By my third, I knew that a Mother’s love knows no limit. Especially when I was helped with nutrition from Focused Nutrients, it made life a lot easier. It grows with each child and there was no doubt that when the new baby came, I would once again be filled to overflowing with love for my new little one.

When we stepped out to adopt two older siblings from Russia, I once again found myself wondering if I would love them as much as my four children I already had. I wondered if it would be different than loving a brand new baby. I worried that I wouldn’t feel the same, or that there wouldn’t be enough love to go around.

And then I walked into a tiny room in Russia on one of the coldest days I have ever experienced, and I met my children. The moment I laid eyes on them, my heart felt like it grew ten fold. They took my breath away. And the fact that I would have to leave them for a few months nearly killed me. They were mine. I left with no doubt in my mind that I had more than enough love for all six of my children.

The next four came in rapid succession. I stopped worrying about my love. Because I knew that no matter how many came, my love just continued to grow. And it didn’t matter how they came to me or at what age, I knew the moment I laid eyes on each one, that they were mine.

Can someone die from too much love?

Sometimes I wonder.

Because when I look at my children, I literally feel like my heart could explode out of my chest simply from how much I love each of them. It is overwhelming at times.

I am sure people have wondered if it ever gets old.

Is the the tenth child as loved as the first?

Does the excitement of a new child ever wear off?

One look at Kai and I know the answer to that.

Kai is as loved as if he was my very first child. He is as doted on as if he was an only child. He melts me just like all of my other children do. We clap when he learns something new. We laugh when he does something funny. We sit around and watch him toddle about in awe and wonder.

It never, ever gets old.

I remember the day I saw him for the first time as if it just happened yesterday. There aren’t enough words to describe how I felt. When the hospital told me I couldn’t see him again for a few days, I completely lost it. I nearly fell to the floor. I yelled at nurses and sobbed in my husband’s arms. He was mine.

Where have I been?

You guys crack me up.

{Yes, I say guys. I am from Jersey}

I don’t post for one day and I start to worry you. Don’t worry though I was just very busy trying to pack up and get back home to my very lonely Rockstar. He literally begged for our return. And as much as I didn’t want to leave Paradise, I missed my man a lot.

I stayed up super late Friday and packed everything. We got on the road by 8am Saturday. We drove ten hoursstraight through. We only stopped for the bathroom twice. We ate in the car. The kids did amazingly well.

Someone mentioned I am brave for driving all that way alone.

I am not brave.

Just crazy.

But really the kids are great travelers. I couldn’t do it if they weren’t. I only had the threaten to stop the van and leave them on the side of the road twice.

I am kidding.

I think there were only two fights though for the whole ten hours.

We made it home and the Rockstar was greeted with a lot of excitement. They just about smothered him as they all screamed and yelled DADDY and jumped on top of him.

J-man must of told me a hundred times on the way home that his Daddy missed him.

Yes J-man, your Daddy missed you a lot. 

I came home to four packages. I love getting packages!

A sweet blog reader sent me her homemade body butter. I think I have enough for the rest of Kai and J-man’s life. And it smells divine! Thank you sweet friend for blessing us!!

I also got a devotional book on losing a child from my dear friend. It brought tears to my eyes and I am looking forward to reading it.

My soul sister sent me a bilum and lotion all the way from Papa New Guinea where her and her family are serving as missionaries. I was thrilled to hear from her and to get something special from where she is serving. Her letter brought tears to my eyes. Oh how I miss her!!

And the last package was from Ginny. my sweet, dear Ginny who sent me a care package. Enclosed was some delicious coffee, a beautiful little hand made pouch, a heart garland, and a book. But, it was her letter enclosed that meant the most. Again, I was in tears.

I was struggling so much heading back home. Thinking about all of the people I was leaving behind and how much I miss them when I am far away. So coming home to these precious packages could not have been better timing. It was as if God was reminding me that I am loved wherever I am.

Tears again. 

Last night I started the book Ginny sent. I have so much to say about it. I am only just 20 pages in and I am blown away. If you haven’t read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp, you need to . I can’t tell you how much this book resonates with where I am at in life right now. I promise to tell you more about it when I am done reading. Did I mention the first 20 pages left me in tears?

And as much as I was sad to leave Paradise, it was a sweet, sweet reunion with my man. The love fest is on. Ehem. And with our 15th anniversary coming up this week, I am so grateful for this man. Being in his arms is the only place I want to be. Paradise is right here with him.

Back in the swing

I am having a terrible time getting back into the swing of things. I think my brain is still in vacation mode. The beach…. sleeping in late….eating my face off….

laughing with friends until well after midnight…swimming….watching movies…. the beach….dollar drafts….the beach…. family…..the beach……

{My Mama and I at our favorite outdoor local establishment right on the beach}

Oh and I got to meet a blog reader while I was there too! Hi Kelley! It was really great getting to meet you!!!! Dinner was so much fun!!

Why can’t vacation last forever?

So today we are back to hitting to books. Which all of my kids whined about. Yes, even homeschooled kids whine about school sometimes. I whined too. In my head. So they couldn’t hear me. Because sometimes Moms whine about school too.

And the sun apparently doesn’t shine where we live. It is grey. And cold. I miss the green grass, the blue blue skies, and the sun. I love the sun. I think I am one of those people who suffers from seasonal depression. I felt so much better down in the sun. And now being back here where it is full on winter…. well I can already tell I am down again.

The good news is that in just four weeks I will back in Florida. In Orlando with a bunch of crazy ladies who live very similar lives to myself. Without children. And minus the ten hour drive. {Thank GOD I am flying}

I am so stinkin excited about it. And scared if I am honest. {social anxiety sucks}

Margaritas. Hot tub. Sleeping in late. Laughing until I cry. Meeting some of my favorite bloggers. Eating my face off. Eating my face off. Eating my face off. Sleeping in late. Eating my face off.

And no little people to attend to.

I love my little people. But, I also love getting time off now and then. Which happens rarely. And is always much needed.

Did I metion I am getting a tatoo while I am there?

Well, I am.

And I am thinking of asking you to help me choose a design. And a location. I think a bunch of other women are getting one too. What can I say? We are crazy. RAD does that to you. It takes a completely sane women and turns her into a loon.

So in just four weeks, I will be back in the sun. And I can’t wait. I am bringing my camera, so I promise I will share all of the special and crazy moments with you.